Me and t had been happily together for 9 months when I get a random text from a ex I really wanted. I hadn’t spoken with this ex in years because she was in a serious relationship with someone else. Which is fine. She was no longer in my mind. Well she messages me on Facebook one day and we catch up. I start rethinking everything with teresa and all I can think about is making it work with alyssa my ex. We talked all day pretty much ,  nothing inappropriate but she did text me goodnight that night. Now I didn’t tell teresa about my conversation with alyssa, which was mistake number one, I should have told her from the jump. But I didn’t. Well im asleep on the same night me and Alyssa were texting when Alyssa sent me a “goodnight Dev” text. Teresa wages me up from my sleep screaming saying ” wtf is this!?” I was still half asleep so I didn’t respond right away. Well I wakeup at 3 a.m and she’s gone. She had been gone for a couple hours now, I worked at 7 a.m so I never seen her come back home. I guess she came home that morning. I told her about the situation and we work things out the next day. End up hooking up and i have sex with her and I even went down on her. Making up for our little miscommunication.  While I was down there eating that pussy like no other I got a quick thought , it was really quick but I thought about another guy. I sensed another man but the thought came and went so quick I didn’t really think much of it. Well… Come to find out days later another ex of mine, which happens to be her exes ex lol. (Go ahead and reread that because I know you have to lol). Well my ex Ariel hits me up and tells me teresa and Chris had sex the night she left. I was sitting next to t when I got themessage so I just sat the phone in her lap and she sat there looking dumbfounded. I walked outside and eventually came back in. She explains it was a irrational decision, she didn’t mean it , it won’t happen again, yadayada. I told her I needed a break and packed my shit and left to my friends. Hung out with Alyssa that night and it was cool and all, I liked it, but I wanted teresa more. I wanted her back. So the next day I log I to all of her accounts and she’s texting other guys, messaging them and even hungout with one the day after. She claims they didn’t do anything, just made out because it “felt wrong” but I have a hard time believing it. This was a guy she had been crushing on since elementary school. So I findout she did that, and read all the messages and decide im the only one that should have her so I go back the next day. Not giving myself time to forgive, work on myself, or really rationalize aall of this out. Well I come back and not even weeks later I find myself on Craigslist, and making accounts for tinder and whatnot trying to hookup with other women to get the thought of another man being inside of her out of my head. She finds a email from Craigslist and I end up convincing her it won’t happen again and it was a mistake. Well I quit for a couple months, and then find myself back on Craigslist , trying to fill the emptiness. I got so good at hiding it, teresa is so intuitive and empathetic she can feel when something’s wrong and knew there was discord and something up just didn’t have proof. I was so good at hiding it she was starting to think she was crazy and I was telling her I wasn’t doing anything when in all actuality she would leave for work and I would be back on my other snapchat searching for a girl to just fuck me . me having the feelings for t I had though I explained the whole situation to the girls I talked to and they all agreed I sbouldnt do it, I should work it out with her or leave. I didn’t listen. A year goes by of me sneaking around, no success. M and teresa decide to delete Facebook because I was spending to much time on it and we were distancing ourselves. Wellwe decided to delete Facebook about a year and 10 months I to our relations ship. A couple days after our two years we decide to get Facebook back. We log in and some chick screenshotted my accounts and told t everything about me wanting to have am affair and it was ppretty much a girl with a mission to get me caught.  So teresa storms out again, tells me to pack my shit so I leave. At this pointing knew I fucked up and all I wanted was her. No desires for anyone else, I just wanted to much change my way of thinking and be a better person. So we end up having sex a couple days after the incident because I wentover there to grab the last of my things and we thought it was our last time together. I end up telling her I want her back and we agree we just need time. She yelps me she’s talking to all these other guys and here I am wanting her to myself again. Well, my dumbass trying to makeup for my wrongdoings , my lies for a whole year, my immoral and selfish desires, I tell her she can have sex with someone else if that’s what its gonna take to forgive me and get over this thinking it would help. Not actually thinking she would because she loves me right? She wouldn’t fuck someone else. Well she responds and says okay pretty much and we don’t talk rest of the night. Well we see each other a couple days later and what do i do? I go down on her again and get the same sense. Me blinded by the truth again shrug it off and think nothing of it. A day later mysister in law who t is close with told me t would have something to tell me. So I confront t and she tells me she had sex with him again because I said so and she thought it would help. She claims it didn’t feel right but that’d what she said about the other guy. Was that just her defense mechanism she had to use to not make her feel so guilty? Was it a lie or did it not feel right? Regardless she did have sex with him, didn’t tell me , and did the same shit she did the first time only we weren’t together this time. I get angry hearing this and want to just take her home and smack tf out of her ass and fuck her as hard as I can so she can learn a lesson. We meet up and I do smack her ass AMD hit it hhard  and telling her to never fuck another man again and she starts crying. So I quit and held her feeling bad. I wanted to keep going though because I didn’t let it all out. We makeup ans agree we want one another and while we go through our legal trouble we will find ourselves, try and understand ourselves and work on us . work on self love and regaining one anothers trust. Well its been a week since the incident and we both agree we want one another, and noone will ever even come close to being anyone were interested in being with. So I tell her she’s gotta stop texting these guys she’s been texting because she claims she needed to text them to pass time. Whatever. Well she does stop texting them and its our first day together but not living together. I had stayed the night one night after all this, a week after everything happened and we both concluded we needed one another. We been doing fine, hanging out and seeing one another when we can but today when I dropped her off at work I went in to her job at wall mart and told the dude she told me was bothering her and treating her badly to stop. We almost ended up fighting in wall mart and it made things worse. My dad gets a call from the guy because I guess him and my dad are friends and he told my dad what happened. So everybodies upset I did what I did. Which I know was wrong of me. Well talking with my dad, he tells me t has been rubbing a guys back at work, wbefpre we agreed on each other, and apparently had a incident where she was talking to guys for so long the strawberries and produce  had gone bad because it was sitting out for so long. So its clear she’s been talking to other guys. My dads convinced she doesn’t love me , my family thinks I should leave and so does hers but my ass still wants her and to make things wwork and she claims she still just wants me as well. I put up some snapchat of her , not fully nude but there were a couple of her cleavage, and walking around with emojis over here tits and videos of her giving m

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My ex hit me up today. Told me she fucked some other guy, Im going over there tonight to punish her because she knows what she did was wrong and all that’s doing is being hipppocritical and contradicting. Im about to destroy her in bed. Im gonna go harder then ever. Letting all the pain, hurt, and thoughts out. Im gonna slap her ass so many times its going to draw blood. Im going to grab her by her hair and take control of her more then I ever have. She is going to be my little bitch tonight. I can’t be mad she fucked someone else. I wronged her for a year. At least we weren’t together. Still mad she let me go down on her days after though. Will I ever forgive her for that? Idk. Time will tell. For now. In a few hours Im going to show her what she deserves. Im going to fuck the shit out of her. And let her know who her fucking man is. 

Fuck me

Wakeup in the morning and check my phone for your text. Nothing. Phones empty, I immediately do a google search , for the 20th time. “How can I get my girlfriend to trust me again” . all I read is time will heal , change your ways. She will come back if she sees a change. I really want her back, I really want to change.. We were a power couple, supposed to push each other to be the best we could be! Why did I cheat? Did I low-key want out because Thats the story I was making up in my head . was it to cover up the guilt and give myself excuses? She cheated on me a year ago, even let me lick hEr pussy after another man was in there not even 12 hours ago. I sensed him. Smelled him. Those thoughts still linger today. So I cant imagine the the thought of me texting other women while shes at work, or while im at work and talking to them about my made up lies and stories about my girlfriend  wronging me. How will my ex heal after a whole life of men wronging her? Of her constantly resorting back to the messages and accounts of me wanting an affair with someone else.  Me being everything I told her I wouldnt be and lying right to her face making her sound crazy for doubting my loyalty only to find out she was right all along! Her intuition was telling her the whole time! I really screwed up and wont be able to fix it because the lies will just keep coming back and the hurt pain and karma of my actions will come back in full force knocking her back down into the fire. I burned the only one who knew me on the deepest level. I lied and burned my soul mate. I lied and burned the only girl who wouldnt wrong and burn me. I lied and burned my love. My best friend, my boo. I hate myself for what I did. Theres no undoing the past. I knew I had a risk of losing you I just didnt know it would hurt this bad . I didnt know what I wanted, did I want out? Were 21 , found each other at 19. Do we really want to spend our entire life together? The question is something I didnt know. But now I do. If I could make her mine again I would in a heartbeat. If she told me she could forget everything and start new then baby lets go and travel the world living everything we dreamed of. IIfucked up and ill forever be beating myself up for it. My biggest darkness islying. Thats my most major flaw. I lie lie lie. About almost everything. My life from thr age of 14 revolves around lies. I lied to women telling them what they wanted to hear to get them in bed. I lied to my parents, I lied to my brothers , I lied to just about everyone that had my back and now im here with noone but my angels sitting on my shoulders telling me they told me so. They warned me all along. I just ignored the signs and didnt want to listen. For a few days I will beat myself down. Talk about how worthless and a piece of shit I really am. FUCK YOU Devon, you lying, cheating, piece of shit. Change your ways DEVON. 

She misses me at night

She won’t reply during the day but misses me at night. Is it a habit or should I make it right? Know what to do deep down inside, my angels help decide, intuition guidance inner wisdom telling me to coincide, she’s not perfect nor am I, want her to have my babies, can’t lose her she is mine, 430 am be the time, gotta grind up all night , success in sight, taking flights, living free smoking right, 

Goodbye for now

The pictures did my phone of us will will be erased, every photo will. I dont have the time to go through and delete them one by one , sobbing through our memories and the feeling of your touch. The scent of your body, the warmth of your presence. I will miss you my dear, I will miss our life together. I hope one day we can reconnect and recreate our life together. I still deep down want you, and would go back to you but not now . we need time. To be us, figure out who we are, explore the world, be successful and understand ourselves in ways we couldnt have ever seen before. You’re my t baby. I love you with all that I have and Im sorry I did what I did. I know you will benefit from it and grow into a extremely strong person. Sorry for being everything you expected not to be. A dirty sleazy lying little cheater. I promise on my soul, on my spirit, I promise to god to never ever disrespect or treat another human like that. I can’t imagine the hurt I put you through. I hurt for you.  You’ll see the beauty from pain in the end though. Blessings, positive vibes, and best of wishes to you my love. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. 

Daddy

My shooting star

My lungs feel as if there’s a flame in my chest, I cough for 2-3 minutes , still tasting the THC from the dab I just took. It burns but feels amazing at the same time, Im sweating (nothing unusual after taking a dab) and I start looking up at the beautiful summer night sky with not a cloud instart trying to get some fresh air in my lungs. That’s when I saw it, a rainbow colored streak move across the sky and disappear in less then a second, I scream ” did anybody see that!?” Josh claims he did but he was the only one out of the group of 6 friends all huddled between these trees that noticed it. Immediately after I realized what I just saw I decided to make a wish. This was a real shooting star, not just a meteor like I was used to seeing on the meteor shower nights. So I knew this was my chance. I didn’t know what to wish for so I put it in gods hands. I asked for something amazing, something special, something so unexplainable to happen I wouldn’t know how it was possible. All the guys get their hits and we start walking back to my house. We finally get home and were all standing outside.  Its around 11 o clock at night at this point. I live on the corner of my street and when you’re re standing in the road and you look up, you see a brightly lit road leading into the darkness. Well Im standing there looking up the road and I see two figures walking from the darkness. One was heavier set, the other was.. Well let me just tell you the other one was perfect. So perfect that before I could even get a good view of the girl I called her to my friends,  I told them the one on the rights mine! “Yall can fight over the one on the left” I say laughing. They get closer and i realize I know the heavier one from a church I went to. She comes over and talks to me and that’s when I laid eyes on one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Her beautiful blue eyes, and tight legs gave me a feeling inside ill never forget. I got red and warm inside when we made eye contact. I looked at her and quickly glanced down biting my lip , giving her a hint that i want her. I chatted with the girl I knew and we agree to hit each other up on Facebook the next day. Well we get in touch and long story short me and her friend start hitting it off and we have hung out everyday since. That shooting star changed my life, I have been with her for 2 years now and its been the best 2 years of my life. Thank you shooting star.